It was going to be amazing, enlightening, awe-inspiring, insane. And now it's not going to happen. The other two guys living right down the hall from me are going to Japan and Greece once all of us seniors have graduated. I, however, don't get to go to Spain with Matt. I get to do financial controlling in Calgary instead of embarking upon a spiritual and intellectual quest of unprecedented magnitude (at least, that's how I imagine it would have been).
This is depressing.
I already owe my parents so much for everything they have done for me - I felt horrible asking them for anything more. Yet I did. I really wanted to do this, so much so that I risked losing their respect; the respect of those I honor most in my life.
And even though I am now not going, because I don't have any money, I still feel like I am living out the Catch 22 in which I inexplicably found myself locked. Go, and piss off your parents. Don't go, and piss off your best friend. Well, my parents are pissed off, regardless, and so is my best friend, with good reason. And I'm stuck in the middle.
Sometimes you really can't win.
I still intend on doing the St. Jacques de Compostela pilgrimage - I'm just not totally sure when. Maybe Matt would consider it for the summer after he graduates - his parents might give him a graduation present, and I would actually have some cash of my own. Well, I can dream, can't I?
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